30.

photos:





writing:

you
never
understand
how
small
you
are
or
how
big
the
world
is
until
you
look
up.

29.

photo:



[I'm sorry I didn't post yesterday, I was literally gone all day long, and all day today, too.]
[this is from the same series as the next one I'm posting]
[i love christmas lights]

:)

writing:

sometimes we meet these people
that strike us, that stop us still in time
and you feel this strong pullingtugging desire
to know them, to be close to them, to understand
what exactly these people are, inside and out.
and when I get these feelings,
when I notice this gorgeous, intimate desire
I can do nothing but follow it with the most
driven, excited, exhilarated curiosity
and I have never once regretted it.
it is in those moments of decision
that I bring upon my life
something entirely new.

28.

[upsiedaisy]


˙ʎɐp ʍǝu ɐ ɥʇɹoɟ pǝɯoɔןǝʍ puɐ
ǝʞoɹq uʍɐp ǝɥʇ sɐ ƃuıʇıuƃı sʇɥƃnoɥʇ
suıɐɹq ɹno oʇ sǝɥsnɹ pooןq ǝɥʇ sɐ
ɥsnןɟ pןnoʍ sʞǝǝɥɔ ɹno puɐ
sǝpıs ɹno punoɹɐ uʍop ʍǝɹƃ sǝǝɹʇ ǝɥʇ uǝɥʍ
ʇǝǝɟ ɹno ʇɐ ǝsoɹ uns ǝɥʇ uǝɥʍ
ןnɟıʇnɐǝq ǝq pןnoʍ ǝɟıן ʇnq
pooʇsɹǝpunsıɯ puɐ ʇsoן
pǝsnɟuoɔ puɐ uʍop ǝpısdn
ǝsɹǝʌıun sıɥʇ uı punoɹɐ ʞןɐʍ pןnoɔ ǝʍ os
˙noʎ pıp ɹǝɥʇıǝu 'uıɐƃɐ uǝɥʇ ʇnq
'dn sɐʍ ʎɐʍ ɥɔıɥʍ ʍǝuʞ ɹǝʌǝu ı

27.

photo:
this is called, "I'm too lazy to upload pictures from my camera so I'm using photobooth."
niice


writing:
[excerpt from my other blog]
i told you, from the very start,
"all i've ever wanted was to know you,
to be close to you, inside and out."
though our relationship seemed to teeter on the one i found
less important.
the physical affection was beautiful, but not why i came
not what i stayed for
not why i left.
i love you; not your body, not your curly hair, or your blue eyes,
not your freckles, or the scar on your nose,
not your subtle scent, or your quiet smile,
though all of those are beautiful to me,
that is not why i stayed, thats not what i loved.
i loved your mind, your perseverance, your empathy
and that's what abandoned me,
thats what left me alone.

26.

photo:


[I took this one before, but I didn't edit it till today. sorry my submission is an hour and 38 minutes late]

writing:

you tell me you want to see me more often
but I can't bring myself to say, "me too."
it hurts your feelings,
but I can't say I mind.
you put me here,
this was your choice.
you happy now?
because I am done trying for you
and I feel freer than I've ever felt
I'm gunna walk down the street singing,
so I'll keep a deliberate pace
let the damn breeze dry my face

25.

[Samson's Song]
reflects subjects objects none.
i sit in the dull afternoon light
wondering where you've been
yeah, I still wonder where you've been,
I still wonder why that silent chemistry went by the wayside,
why that warm scent passed when the flowers died.
the clouds move slowly on by
but it makes no difference to me
i've given up on you, though you still don't know
you hardly ever notice at all
its that de ja vu feeling that you recognize,
but never act on.
you've forgotten me
you forgot me long ago
and i wonder when you'll turn around
and realize i'm gone
realize i've been gone
realize i left a long time ago.
the bush outside my window is bare in the wintertime,
but the way the wind brushes it makes me melancholyfine.
i loved you once, but as all things do it ended with the seasons
it ended when the rain came, just as it began two years ago:
walking through the park with the water falling all around us,
i felt the start of something new.
thus it goes when the rain comes again
the dust turns to mud with the death of a friend.

24.

I've grown disgusted with idolization and obsession of individuals.
I want people to enjoy my company, but I don't want it to be because
life cannot be lived any other way.
I want people to have freedom in their lungs when they say,
"Sure, lets hang out. When are you free?"
I don't want to be a necessity,
And I don't want to have necessities.
I don't want to belong to anyone,
Nor have anyone belong to me.
I want to be free,
with the withering trees of fall and the birthing joy of dew drops.
All promise of regrets have died,
we have been born anew.

let this hopeful story begin.

23.

1.23.09 Caffe Trieste
This place may have taken an hour and a half to find, but it was well worth it. The ambiance is bleeding with aesthetic artisanship, inspiring drawing and writing amongst the coffee aroma. Soft lighting, good music, pink elephants, and rainbow noses. Nothing quite compares to the raw sensation of the bohemian art tendency "I created this, with my hands, with my mind, with my soul." The hand drums and bass lines of the band resonate with my organs, aligning the harmonic rhythms, the stationary movement of vibrant sound. Drifting in and out of stories of stylish homeless men and teenagers hiking across the country to New York, the chocolate covered latte foam settling in our stomachs. This is what we live for: the art of reality, the idiosyncrasies of non-fiction life.

22.

[Take that, Confusing German Grammar! :)!... this is completely unrelated to the writing. I really should start trying to make them more cohesive, but I really did want to post this one. this little diagram totally saved my confusion amongst my german homework].
[oh, p.s. I would be responding to the comments and people's blogs, but for some reason blogspot isn't letting me comment. :( everyone is doing a great job, and I appreciate the feedback and compliments]

...[insert Boadicea by Enya]...
I like humming.
humming has always been comforting to me.
being able to hum, or sing for that matter,
has often kept me in a state of
peace. tranquility. serenity.
whatever you want to call the harmonious balance that arises
out of all the blackness and darkness that may shade our day's light.
when I was young,
I used to hum or sing to myself to keep away all the
paranoia-ridden manifestations my anxiety would bring
It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that singing saved me on those
long, dark nights where I was too afraid to peel my eyes away from the doorway.
my family didn't believe me when I told them
I thought something was wrong with me
they thought because I kept my fears to myself that they just
didn't exist at all.
they said I wanted something to be wrong with me
so I didn't bring it up again.
the darkness I had inside of me was hushed on the outside,
and therefore echoing on the inside,
resounding maliciously in my skull.
It took years to convince myself I didn't need to sneak around my
own home, fearing the monstrous individuals in my head
waiting for me around that doorway, that hallway, that window.
I suppose that's why I like singing so much.
The operatic resonance, flooding away every taunting voice
every mocking grin, every blood red stare
that ever unleashed unrelenting fear into my heart.
Pouring and overflowing with pure, orotund sound,
the garish critics of the mind begin to grow soft and recede
into the depths of my mentality
they forget the joy of manipulation, the elation in sadism,
witnessing the awe in vocal oscillation, silence overcomes them
so they may bathe in the complete light that is song and music
thus all the darkness falls away, evanescing in the airy glow
and all that is left is
humming.

21.

[caterpillar]

[hands]


familiar hints
cringing screaming filthy eyes
just leave me alone

20.

I haven't been spend
-ing as much time as I'd
like on this project.
:(

19.

I dislike the word "nude."
I prefer the term "human contours."
because when I take pictures of the body,
it's not because its naked,
its because I want to show
every beautiful curvature
of a figure.

18.

[angel]


everything is go
-ing to turn out just fine... yeah.
haikus are so lame.

:)

17.

[struggle.]


"i'm going to stop being friends with you
if you keep doing that." -teasingly said.
"okay, then do so." -sadly said.
"...but i don't want to." -worriedly said.

i'm done fighting for you. it's your turn.

16.

i'm working on it
it isn't getting any easier, but
that's never stopped me before.
i only give things as much as they're worth,
but this is worth everything to me
so i'll work on this
till there's nothing left to give
then i can say
"i did all i could"
before i
walk away.

15.

14.

so I guess
things will happen
as they happen
and I will learn over time
how to find
peace.

13.

philosophy:
-philein: to love
-sophia: wisdom; thought
so literally, philosophy is the love of wisdom or thought.

:)

12.

[I'm not lost, I'm exploring]


runningrunningrunningtrippingintoflight_tumblerunandthen
break free.
suddenly the world seems so much less constrained, so much less worn.
crystal clear and full of hope
springing water droplets and new experiences

life looks so different with you gone,
but I'm starting to get used to it.
hopefully it stays that way.

11.

true love: wishing for what is best for an individual, no matter what.
belief: willingness to act upon convictions one claims to know.

I wish you believed in the love you said you had for me.

10.

[picture is completely unrelated to my writing piece]

I'm starting to give up on you.
I can feel the resignation in my lungs,
heaving a heavy sigh every time your name is whispered,
like something forbidden
like some traumatic story we'd just
rather not talk about.
its like you've died in me
and I am forcing myself to learn how to live life
without you here.

I never wanted this to happen.

9.

theres a hole growing inside me
where you used to be
you took up so much of me
that i hardly recognize myself alone
i try to stuff tissues in
to fill the gap and soak up the tears
but it ends up just feeling wet
and soggy
like a dog forgotten in the rain.
i hope you're doing fine
because i don't understand
how to be less of a friend to you, or
how to lessen the distance between you and i.
it doesn't make sense to me
it just makes me sad and confused
unsure of what to do with this vacancy around my sides.

8.

sometimes beautiful things
just die
and there's nothing we can do to stop it
and there's nothing to do to brace the fall
all we can do is watch the ground come full throttle
straight into your face
shattering your bones and leaving you crying
tired
broken
and alone
on the pavement.

7.

woops I'm a little late for today...




tonight i spun in circles
taking pictures of moonlight spaghetti
and for a moment
i felt alright.
i found peace in the disorientating rotation,
i found peace in the turning darkness and the soft light.
it's fuzzy like night vision, but it's clearer than the weeks have been,
and that's just fine,
just fine by me.

6.

1. [come with me?]


2.
[forget forget forget]
[i ever asked at all]
;;;

[I ended up editing that piece of writing so many times that I ended up not liking it. meh.]

5.

"love."

"elevator button."

I wrote a song today. I haven't finished recording it, but I figured I could post the lyrics as my writing piece today. The song hasn't been titled yet:

"help me find a way from me
to you
help me draw the lines on
the map
i've waited for as long as
i thought I could
so i guess it just ends
at that.

but i guess there never was a way to you
all the bridges burned to ash
but i still hope one day you'll come to me
and realize that you love
me back.

i've been doing alright on my own
i'm seeing more to life than you
but it doesn't make it easier to let go of you
you were the only light i knew

but whispers on the wind tell me I'll be okay
eventually I'll learn to let go
its just you were the one that saved my soul
and I find it hard to sit here
alone."

4.

zero gravity.

I feel like life is traveling so fast now
but in a way that your mind goes at the same speed
so all of the sudden you just
lose gravity
and everything is floating there in those moments
going 100 miles per hour.
It's exhilarating, I am so incredibly
excited
about my life right now.
Its like all I want to do is keep living it
even faster
than I was before.

Not that I am in a rush,
but I am appreciating every single precious moment
and it is the most crazy
and beautifully chaotic
yet harmonious way of life I have ever known
and I can't get enough of it.

hold onto your hats,
this rollercoaster ride's starting to corkscrew.
:)

[interlude]

Just a little update:

I am feeling not so much that it is hard to pick one picture a day, but moreso picking which ONE? So I think I am going to give myself a little leeway and say as long as it's AT LEAST one.

But I'll cap it at 3 so as not to post a billion pictures everyday.

I hope everyone's 365 project is going well.

Cheers. :)

3.

sometimes i get caught up 

in the gentle curve of your collarbones

and i take in a short, acute breath

before letting out a long sigh

of captivated fascination.

not out of romance,

or lust, or passionate longing,

but out of loving the sweetness in your subtlety,

and feeling the breathing warmth of your beauty.

some days i cry because i never believed the world could be so bright.

2.

this is me.
with the sea breezes
caressing my hair into a frenzy
of silent nature.

1.

It's new years eve and I am thrown into an experience of a lifetime.
I've never taken a photography class, but I have always loved photography.
Something about looking to find new perspectives, new details is so beautiful to me.
Come the afternoon of December 31st, I am being thrown into a whole new league.
Professional Photographers and model coordinators showing me what to do and where to go,
everything seems to be moving 100 miles a minute.
A swirling evening of indian music and horrific lighting,
turns out to be one of the best of my life.
To kick off the new year, I say hurrah to new experiences.
:)

;

"The game is simple.
We each pick a medium.
Then everyday for a year
we upload our finished piece of art to share.

Some examples are "poem-a-day",
"self portrait-a-day",
"drawing-a-day",
"song-a-day",
"condom sculpture-a-day",
anything you can imagine-a-day
as long as it can be uploaded for all our enjoyment.

Our goal is to feed the inner child's artistic needs while exercising our dedication to a long ongoing project.

Maybe after a number of us have completed projects, we can collaborate them for distribution.

We shall bathe in the artistic progression of friends, everyday for 1 year (who knows, maybe it wont stop there)."

I'm starting late, but that's okay. :) Let the creation-a-day begin. <3